wardrobe remix...

I love my boys’ baby pictures, but I sometimes giggle at the wardrobe choices I made for them at the time.  I mean how many sailor suits does one baby need?  There they were; adorable, chubby, grinning babies, but looking as if they were going to be captain of a cruise ship or joining the navy.  Sometimes, they were dressed in little suits with bowties or little preppy looking tennis outfits. I can’t take all the blame. Some of these mini clothing calamities came courtesy of their grandparents. Needless to say, those styles don’t fit any of their personalities now that they are grown. And if God had chosen to give me a daughter, there would not have been enough room in the camera frame for all the pink frilled tutus, polka dotted ruffles, and humongous hair bows. But for all of us more grown up girls and boys, this reminds me of an important truth: how we dress can send out messages about us, whether we mean for it to or not. If you study the Bible, you can see that often people were identified by the way they were dressed:
- You may read about the garment of a widow, or someone told to dress for mourning the dead in sackcloth and ash.  (2 Samuel 3:31)
-You can read a warning from God stating that women should not dress like men and men should not dress like women.  (Deuteronomy 22:5)
-You can also read a warning for a man to avoid a woman dressed seductively or in the clothing of a harlot.  (Proverbs Chapter 7)
I am not trying to specifically address those biblical lessons here at this time but I do want to caution girls to be careful about their apparel, whether they inadvertently dress in a provocative way because they have seen the same fads promoted as the ideal for beauty, or because they deliberately reveal their hidden charms to court the attention of guys.
One thing that is important to note: A girl may have the heart of an angel and dress suggestively while on the other hand a girl may dress like a puritan-covered up from her neck to her toes-but still carry herself in a way as to appear seductive. Yes, it’s true that God looks at the heart and not what is on the outside, but there is something important to think about here, especially for girls, in this wired for visual world that is designed to tantalize the eyes of men.

I don’t plan to lay out a way that I think every girl should dress in order to be appropriate. There is no list or such a thing as “Christian clothes”. I think it is difficult, not impossible, but difficult to find modest clothing and even if you do, fashions change from year to year so this year’s craze will be next year’s cast-offs.  And let me also say that every guy is responsible before God to be careful where his eyes and heart are focused. But not all guys care what God thinks about how they look at a girl. Around the wrong kind of guy, you are risking your own safety. Around the worst kind of guy, you may find that he has interpreted a message you never intended to send to anyone, yet you find yourself regretting the threat you have attracted and regretting it in the worst possible way… at the very least you may be made to feel uneasy, and at the very most, you may come to be harmed…just by dressing in even a slightly revealing manner. I have had very heart breaking discussions with girls who grieve the outcome of testing out their attractiveness to guys by the way they were dressed. I think if most women (even the noblest of women) were really honest, they could find something in their past dress or behavior around other guys to cause at least some disappointment. I have my own misgivings about fashion follies, both innocent and deliberate. Some were just plain embarrassing and some caused me regret. So this is not a judgment I am throwing down from some high horse. I mean this as an affectionate warning from someone who is sympathetic to the hazards of being naïve to the effect of a little flashing of skin. Some guys will take it as a sign of flirtation. Don’t buy into the lie sold by the Abercrombie and Fitch ads and don’t let it give you a complex similar to that which permeates our society.

The first book of Timothy gives us vital instructions on this matter; “… in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation….. which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.”  1 Timothy 2:9-10(NKJV).  This advice helps us guard against the inclination to dress in a way that might give us an outcome that ends up being much less desirable than we think it will be in the moment. Just ask yourself this question: In choosing what I wear today, whose attention am I trying to gain? Don’t send a miscommunicated message by dressing for the wrong person. You are very precious to God and created by Him to bring glory to His name. Let Him shine through and show the world the grace and beauty of a girl after God’s own heart who is devoted to worshipping Him.

Oh Lord, help me to have the right intent of heart in the way I present myself to the world… letting the way I dress be an outward reflection  of my desire not to distract from the gospel or Your glory, trusting that Your ways are best in all things.

beautiful,beautiful...

When I stand in line at the grocery store and see the multitude of magazine covers depicting young starlets, it appears that these young ladies are looking for - longing for - love and attention. Unless you are what is considered by society to be beautiful or famous (in some cases, famous just for being beautiful) then you are not likely to appear on the front cover.  Of course, there is the option of gaining headline status based on a scandal or some kind of sensational and bizarre behavior. After viewing their escapades, I am frequently inspired to sit the Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan types of the world down and give them a motherly “pep talk”. I see how difficult it is for girls to navigate through a world full of perfect hair and skinny jeans.  Many a girl stands in front of their mirror grimacing at their chubby cheeks, or mentally measuring the circumference of their thighs. And not just young girls, but girls of every age are susceptible. However, God has no such value system …"the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

I knew a girl in college who was younger than me and honestly she was a rather plain looking girl from a rural town. She was also very sad and had a terrible time adjusting to college life and fitting in with other girls who wore more modern styles and fashions. My group of friends and I invited her to meet with us each morning and walk to the dining hall together.  Most mornings she would appear at our door in a fit of tears; she rarely showed a smile. We prayed for her and reached out to her in friendship but were at a loss as to how else we might help her. I left at the end of the school year wondering what might become of her. Later I received a letter from her. She shared that she had surrendered her life and will to Jesus and wanted me to know how much her life had changed. I soon obtained an Alumni Newsletter from my college and on the pages were pictures of this same girl, same plain dress, plain hair… but the expression on her face...beautiful… as if all of heaven had opened up. Her countenance was so remarkably different; I would not have recognized her if not for the clothes. She was accepting an academic award along with a few other people and she was beaming with confidence, joy and contentment. The peace in her heart was written in the expressions of her face. New life in Jesus …beautiful, beautiful… beauty that every girl with a surrendered heart may exhibit.

“…but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.”  1Peter 3:4 (ESV)

Oh Lord, that I may always remember that the beauty of a surrendered heart cannot begin to compare with all the glittering glamour this world has put on display.

say what??!

What is it about a broken heart that makes it hard listen to the very thing we need to hear?  After all the tears have been cried and the cryptic facebook posts have been uttered, are we even ready to listen then?  I suspect that sometimes it is just easier to stay angry than to forgive. We feed on that pain until it turns bitter and for some reason it gives us strength....or so we foolishly think.  I was speaking with a young woman at a retreat a few years back who shared her difficult story with me. My advice to her was that forgiveness was the only remedy for the heartache she was experiencing.  She wasn’t ready to hear it and was certainly unwilling to forgive. The pain was just too fresh.  ”You must not understand what happened and what this person has done to me!” she exclaimed 

Well maybe she was right. I, like anyone else, have had my own share of heartbreak but that doesn’t mean I could fully understand what she was going through.  One thing I did understand though was that she would never have peace without forgiveness. Often times, we think forgiveness means that we simply stop resenting the person we blame for our hurt.  Real forgiveness means we go a step further. We must grant the offender a total and free pardon and give up every claim that we deserve an apology. “Say what?!!”  Yes, you heard me correctly.  And furthermore, we cannot walk with God in true fellowship if we refuse to forgive others. Jesus has granted the repentant sinner total and free pardon from the offenses committed against Him giving up any claim on account of our debt for that pardon. 

 “.. bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.” Colossians  3:13

Forgiveness...we don’t deserve it girl…and He gave it anyway. (Also see Hebrews 8:12 and Matthew 6:14) So now what should we say?

Oh Lord, that I might have the grace to forgive as you have forgiven me and live in freedom from the heartache of unforgiveness.