I would
probably call this blog a “devotional” of sorts; with the goal being to get
girls talking about how to live the Christian life and devote themselves to
sharing that life with others. I definitely have taken the opportunity to share
personal experiences - at times in the form of encouragement and at times as a
warning against running down a path that might make a girl vulnerable to
danger. So the story I will share - about one of my very best friends - is no
exception - and a big motivator God has used in my life to share what He designed relationships to be. With the month of February being Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month – what I am about to share is even more important than ever…
My friend was a beautiful young girl
who became one of my best friends during my college years. I met her when she
was staying with her sister’s family. This family attended the church where I
had just joined after coming to faith in Christ. She was a constant source of
encouragement to me. She and her entire family reached out to me and treated me
as one of their own and the memories of my time with all of them are so
precious. My friend always sought to remind me to seek Jesus first and to trust
Him more with all areas of my life. I
ended up going to college about an hour away. We kept in touch but time and our
busy schedules made it difficult. Through her continued encouragement, she would point out God's providence in my circumstances and I began
to see she was right about trusting God...because He is in control of even the
smallest details of our lives. This authentic fellowship is what I never knew I always craved in a true friend, and it's what God intends for us as believers. I made some big changes at that point in my life and not too long after that, I met my future husband. I also got news that she had become pretty serious with a guy from her hometown.
This was a guy she had known for a while. She had started dating him, but had
chosen not to share too many details surrounding their relationship; even with
me and even during a visit I had with her during a break from school. I would
find out why much later - that he had become a controlling and manipulating
force in her life and she had found herself bound in a situation that was hard
to untangle.
Many girls find themselves in the same
situation with someone that they are dating. Girls sometimes feel they are
responsible to help a guy get over his problems and think they might be able to
love their guy through the pain and anger they feel. I have met a few girls
in this situation and they have all told me that they ended up
erroneously thinking it was their own fault that their guy couldn’t find
victory over the pain and anger that fueled their outbursts. In the end,
another victim was born out of this mind set. But God made you for more than
that and He would never call you to
be damaged and attacked in that way. Abusive relationships of one kind or
another occur every day and sometimes they end with tragic consequences.
Summarily, here are just a few
statistics - and these are just some of the statistics relating to teen
girls/dating relationships…
- Almost 1.5 million high school
students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a
single year and statistics tell us that most are young girls.
- One out of three adolescents in
the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating
partner. It should be noted that this far exceeds the rates of other types
of youth violence. Think about it, more than any other type of youth violence
you might hear about daily on the six o’clock news….
- One out of four high school girls
has been a victim of physical or sexual abuse from a guy friend or dating
partner.
Again, these represent only a few of the statistics out there and
since many girls don’t ever tell anyone what happened to them in an abusive
relationship, the real statistics are very elusive. When speaking to girls
coming out of an abusive relationship, one thing has been clear to me: most stay in the
pattern of abuse because of either fear for themselves or for their family
members. This is what happened to my dear friend. My friend lost her life at
the hands of her abuser. Only later did anyone find out that she stayed in contact with this guy as long as she did because of threats he made against her
- and her family.
So according to what statistics
tell us….when I am at a youth event or camp, and I look out at the faces of
these teen girls, it is possible that one out of every four of them has, in
some way, been a victim of some kind of abuse and many have never told anyone.
And listen to me on this, the church is
not immune to this. Let’s do everything we can and use every resource God
gives us to stop any and all abuse from happening (not just dating abuse). God
can overcome the sin of abuse just like any other, but girls are not meant to
put themselves in the place of the rescuer or becoming vulnerable to danger.
"It (Love) does not insist on its
own way; it is not irritable or resentful..." 1 Corinthians
13:5
“My child, don’t go along with them! Stay far away from their paths. “Proverbs 1:15
O Lord, open our
eyes to real love…and to see things the way You see them so we can reach out
for help or help someone we see who is in trouble.
*There are many
resources out there. Please don’t let abuse continue. Talk to someone
trustworthy and call out for help right away!
National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233)
National
Teen Dating Abuse Helpline 1-866-331-9474
http://www.focusministries1.org/
Like! No, LOVE!
ReplyDeleteThanks Melissa! Passing this on to my daughter and all the youth leaders at our church.
ReplyDeleteWonderful! So important to keep the discussion going! Bless you!
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