epic love...

Most girls have dreamt of love and a future with a family and the whole white picket fence thing.  There are a many more that have a dream of what their wedding will be down to the napkins and centerpieces, and they have held this fantasy in their memory even from childhood.  And of course, along with that ideal picture comes the image of that dreamy guy. It is this quandary that keeps girls circling the love/dating maze trying and hoping for true amore. Our proverbial Romeos and Juliets are frequently ill equipped to recognize true love from a fake and God made us girls and guys wired very differently and with varying needs and focuses when it comes to relationships - so when we don’t know any better, we may settle for something less than God intends. There is nothing wrong with the desire for a singular sweetheart to love always and forever but it is just so crucial to see all of this from God’s perspective instead of seeing it through the rosy lens of what our favorite romantic flick conjures up in our fascination.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a good and honest romance story and probably hold the record for reading and re-reading all of Jane Austin’s novels and viewing every film adaptation thereof. And having been married over 21 years now, I have a box full of cards and love letters from my hubby to rival anything Mr. Darcy ever wrote.  It is my romantic inclinations that make me pull them out now and then to read a few.  Although the actions of a beau to his beloved are very important to a girl, words of devotion and endearment on the written page are a high priority when it comes to the matters of a girl’s heart. I am pretty attached to the affectionate words that Drew wrote me during our early courtship. They remind of that time when God was healing past hurts and bringing us together. Many of his sentimental expressions to me echo in my mind and even after all these years the remembrance of those utterances makes my heart go pitter-pat.  He would often tell me that our meeting was a dream come true and tell me I was a gift from God.  On the day we got engaged, he gave me a Valentine’s Day card which read; “I will always be faithful to you…God put a band-aid on our hearts when He gave us each other.” Inside, Drew had used a band-aid to tape my engagement ring to the card and asked me to marry him that day.  Sigh…. It brings me back to that time as if it just happened and I can say that it probably means even more now than it did then, corny though it may be to some.  I also cherish all the letters I’ve kept that contain reminders from Drew to remain committed to putting Jesus first and not get focused on myself and my wants. These endearments bring to mind that moment I knew my life would change and I also knew, even before he asked that I was going to marry this guy. 

But the very best love letter, I must say, is far and away the perfect expression of authentic love ever written and that is the Bible; God’s very own words. It is a letter of love to us and we may take it a little too much for granted sometimes when it is different from any other letter; not merely ink and paper but an alive and eternally soul shattering record of God’s perfect love.  These are His very words composed so affectionately of genuine faithfulness, love, and compassion. Promises from God our Savior who makes an everlasting covenant with those He calls His own (Jeremiah 32:40), comforts us with an unfailing love (Psalm 119:76), carries our tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8), loves us even if our own mother or father may forget or forsake us (Psalm 27:10, Isaiah 49:15), has engraved us on the palms of His hands (Isaiah 49:16), will quiet us with His love (Zephaniah 3:17),discerns by His love those who truly know Him and is love Himself (1 John 4:8), has suffered and died taking our punishment in order to save us and give us the gift of grace(Isaiah 53:5, Romans 5:8, 1 John 4:9-11, John 3:16), and nothing in creation can separate us from His love( Romans 8:38-39); He will not deny a broken heart and a contrite spirit and is near to the broken hearted (Psalm 51:17, Psalm 34:18). I could go on and on to list references to those words that are of loving and firm instruction and some that are to expose the depravity of our hearts, and then others that are the foretelling of the promised Savior that came to earth and the revealing of promises yet to come; but there is not enough room here for all that could be said of the precious gift of Scripture.  And all of this was given freely even when we would reject Him by our faithless hearts and not love Him first and only.  I will never forget the moment when Jesus pierced my heart, opened up my eyes and I sat there, reading through tears, words that were a mirror of my soul’s condition … and then knowing how desperately I needed Him, I continued reading words of love that He had laid down His life for me, He would take me as beggarly as I am, cleanse me, make me new… and make me called by His name…His child. I still don’t fully comprehend His love and am convinced of the fact  that I don’t deserve it, but I do know that belonging to Christ is the greatest romance anyone could ever experience and even the most profound earthly love pales in the light and glory of Jesus and eternity.  It is only because of His love that a girl can know the difference between a selfish earthly love and an honest love ordained by Him to glorify Him…and we can discern when someone is playing or pretending at love to selfishly reap a personal benefit or if they are submitted to the Author of love and want God’s highest best for us.  What a tragedy to bind God’s words of love and put it away in a box on a shelf somewhere…only to get it out and read occasionally - when in the Bible,  in this letter,  are the words of Life,  Truth,  Grace, and Salvation.  Epic, amazing, LOVE.

“We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

Oh Lord, thank You for loving us!

dear friend...

I would probably call this blog a “devotional” of sorts; with the goal being to get girls talking about how to live the Christian life and devote themselves to sharing that life with others. I definitely have taken the opportunity to share personal experiences - at times in the form of encouragement and at times as a warning against running down a path that might make a girl vulnerable to danger. So the story I will share - about one of my very best friends - is no exception -  and a big motivator God has used in my life to share what He designed relationships to be. With the month of February being Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month – what I am about to share is even more important than ever…

My friend was a beautiful young girl who became one of my best friends during my college years. I met her when she was staying with her sister’s family. This family attended the church where I had just joined after coming to faith in Christ. She was a constant source of encouragement to me. She and her entire family reached out to me and treated me as one of their own and the memories of my time with all of them are so precious. My friend always sought to remind me to seek Jesus first and to trust Him more with all areas of my life. I ended up going to college about an hour away. We kept in touch but time and our busy schedules made it difficult. Through her continued encouragement, she would point out God's providence in my circumstances and I began to see she was right about trusting God...because He is in control of even the smallest details of our lives. This authentic fellowship is what I never knew I always craved in a true friend, and it's what God intends for us as believers. I made some big changes at that point in my life and not too long after that, I met my future husband. I also got news that she had become pretty serious with a guy from her hometown. This was a guy she had known for a while. She had started dating him, but had chosen not to share too many details surrounding their relationship; even with me and even during a visit I had with her during a break from school. I would find out why much later - that he had become a controlling and manipulating force in her life and she had found herself bound in a situation that was hard to untangle.

Many girls find themselves in the same situation with someone that they are dating. Girls sometimes feel they are responsible to help a guy get over his problems and think they might be able to love their guy through the pain and anger they feel. I have met a few girls in this situation and they have all told me that they ended up erroneously thinking it was their own fault that their guy couldn’t find victory over the pain and anger that fueled their outbursts. In the end, another victim was born out of this mind set. But God made you for more than that and He would never call you to be damaged and attacked in that way. Abusive relationships of one kind or another occur every day and sometimes they end with tragic consequences.

Summarily, here are just a few statistics - and these are just some of the statistics relating to teen girls/dating relationships…

- Almost 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year and statistics tell us that most are young girls.

- One out of three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner. It should be noted that this far exceeds the rates of other types of youth violence. Think about it, more than any other type of youth violence you might hear about daily on the six o’clock news….

- One out of four high school girls has been a victim of physical or sexual abuse from a guy friend or dating partner.

Again, these represent only a few of the statistics out there and since many girls don’t ever tell anyone what happened to them in an abusive relationship, the real statistics are very elusive. When speaking to girls coming out of an abusive relationship, one thing has been clear to me: most stay in the pattern of abuse because of either fear for themselves or for their family members. This is what happened to my dear friend. My friend lost her life at the hands of her abuser. Only later did anyone find out that she stayed in contact with this guy as long as she did because of threats he made against her - and her family.

So according to what statistics tell us….when I am at a youth event or camp, and I look out at the faces of these teen girls, it is possible that one out of every four of them has, in some way, been a victim of some kind of abuse and many have never told anyone. And listen to me on this, the church is not immune to this. Let’s do everything we can and use every resource God gives us to stop any and all abuse from happening (not just dating abuse). God can overcome the sin of abuse just like any other, but girls are not meant to put themselves in the place of the rescuer or becoming vulnerable to danger.

"It (Love) does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful..." 1 Corinthians 13:5

“My child, don’t go along with them! Stay far away from their paths. “Proverbs 1:15

O Lord, open our eyes to real love…and to see things the way You see them so we can reach out for help or help someone we see who is in trouble.

*There are many resources out there. Please don’t let abuse continue. Talk to someone trustworthy and call out for help right away!

 

Helpful resources that offer support, information and advocacy to those involved in dating abuse relationships as well as concerned friends, parents, teachers, clergy, law enforcement and service providers, and for referrals to get help:

National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233)

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline  1-866-331-9474

http://www.focusministries1.org/